Evan Longoria v. Ryan Braun: A Fight to the Death!

Who would win in a fight, Evan Longoria OR The Hebrew Hammer, Ryan Braun? This battle isn't getting much press attention, thanks to the steroid controversy, but two young budding Major Leaguers are tearing up the baseball world, in Evan Longoria of the Tampa Bay Rays, and Ryan Braun of the Milwaukee Brewers.

And Longoria, NOT to be confused with the gorgeous Disparate Housewives star Eva Longoria Parker, began getting taunted because of his comparative name in visiting ballparks...during Evan's success with the Rays, Eva sent him a bottle of champagne, in which he replied by sending her a Rays t-shirt.

Personally I would have sent her a kiss in the mail, Hershey's that is=-)


Here's the tale of the tape we're using to determine the Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner:

  • Team success,
  • Height/Weight (ole!),
  • Statistics (primarily OBP + SLUG% = OPS)*
  • Nicknames

*Based on the Swing Smarter Sabermetrics article on the Oakland A's, Winning at an Unfair Game.

The below information was harvested from Wikipedia...


Playing for the Tampa Bay Rays in 2008 proved to be a fantastic year in franchise history, competing on baseball's biggest stage in October...the year also proved especially well for Evan Longoria, the Rays starting 3rd baseman, earning Rookie of the Year honors in the American League, and showing well in the playoffs.

On the other side of the coin,

The Brewers made it to the 2008 NLDS playoff versus the Phillies, and unfortunately got swept.

Enter David v. Goliath (DvG)...

In fact, in comparing low budget teams winning the DvG payroll game, the Rays came in 2nd to last (29 out of 30 teams) at $43.4 Million for 2008, just above the Florida Marlins' paltry $22.6 Million. That's crazy for the season they had!

The Brewers on the other hand, although comparatively low budget themselves, weighed in at a hefty $74.6 Million, almost double the Rays, and ranked 17th out of 30 total Major League teams.

1st ROUND goes to Evan Longoria...World Series appearance, member of a successful bottom of the barrel low budget team.


Let's compare selective Sabermetric stats shall we...?

Since 2008 was The Hebrew Hammer's 2nd year in the Bigs, in which he also won Rookie of the Year honors, in 2007, we'll compare rookie year stats, to keep the apples to apples likeness.

Evan Longoria stats (OBP, SLUG%, & total OPS)

  • On Base Percentage (OBP) for 2008 rookie year = .343
  • Slugging Percentage (SLUG%) for 2008 rookie year = .531
  • Total On Base Plus Slugging (OPS) for 2008 rookie year = .874

Ryan Braun stats (OBP, SLUG%, & total OPS)

  • On Base Percentage (OBP) for 2007 rookie year = .370
  • Slugging Percentage (SLUG%) for 2007 rookie year = .634
  • Total On Base Plus Slugging (OPS) for 2007 rookie year = 1.004

Hands down, ROUND 2 goes to The Hebrew Hammer for his stellar Freshman season!


Now for the all important boxing measurements...

Evan Longoria weighs in at 210 pounds, is 6'2", hails from Downey, California, is a former Dirtbag from Long Beach State,and is a Criminology Major. As of the beginning of 2009, he's 23 years old.

Ryan Braun weighs in at 200 pounds and is 6'1", hailing from Mission Hills, California, and is a former Hurricane from the University of Miami...however, Braun is 2 years older than Longoria, at 25 years of age, so Braun was 24 during his rookie season in 2007.

From the tale of the tape ROUND 3 goes to Longoria; bigger size, younger, and a Criminology Major like myself!


How about nicknames?

We couldn't find a nickname for Evan Longoria except the addition of an "N" to the beautiful Eva Longoria Parker, which would be sexy company...but,

Ryan Braun's The Hebrew Hammer is really cool, stemmed from his Jewish background, and partially mirroring Hank Aaron's The Hammer.

So, ROUND 4 nicknames goes to Braun.

Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner tie breaker...

Longoria has slightly better physical potential, winning the tale of the tape, but being a smaller player myself (5'10" on a good day), I have to stick with Braun because he's doing more with less.

As of the beginning of 2009, I have to crown The Hebrew Hammer the winner, thanks to tremendous rookie season stats, and a really cool nickname. Also, Braun has unleashed a line of really cool t-shirts this off-season called Remetee (echos Remedy, lighter genre t-shirts, than the darker ones being printed these days), so he gets extra points for being an entrepreneur! You can check them out with the below picture link:


Here's a short video of a celebration dance from Swing Smarter to the new crowned Champion Mr. Ryan Braun:

We'll have to see what 2009 has in store for Evan Longoria, and see, God forbid it ever happen to Tony Parker and Eva, if they happen to split, and Evan marries Eva, the earth may collapse under it's own weight, but at least Evan would then get the nod in this Brain (Longoria - Crim Major) over Braun.;-)

If it's any consolation, here's video of Evan Longoria taking batting practice in what looks like spring training of 2008...good close up of his beautiful swing too:

Return from Evan Longoria, Ryan Braun Dual back to the Homepage